21:12 Jun 11 2012
Times Read: 972
I had wrote these some place else, but fuck it. Really it doesn't matter who sees them and flips them to what they want them to be about.
So I'm just shoving all three here:
I miss certain things, however it seems as though they are lost forever. I mourn for the loss, but I know it will not resurrect anything. I truly believe the once-was has passed on. No matter how hard it is looked for, it will never be found. So all I can do is bow my head in silence, say a farewell and wish for the best.
Mood: bereaved
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Wander June 10, 2012, 11:59:pm
I don't like where my mind has been wandering. It hasn't wandered down this path in quite awhile. Yet at this moment if feels the need to dig deep within and pull out things I just have no desire to remember or feel. I cannot stand when the past turns haunting. I crave the silence, but with silence comes the ability for my mind to wander even farther into a place and pull out even more things that are better left buried.
There is too much. Just too much in my mind at the moment. I feel as though the words and emotions are bubbling up inside waiting for the right moment to just release into a volcanic spew of words and anger. Wow, its been so long since I've bottled up emotions I forgot what it felt like.
It feels.. familiar. It feels....safe. It feels.... like an old friend.
: perplexed
Eh. June 09, 2012, 04:59:pm
There are times when I sit back and feel so ignorant, stupid and befuddled. I sit here and wonder what was wrong with me at that point in time to do what I did? Why did I intently focus on one aspect of something and not see the whole vision clearly? I realize that some things will effect me greater than others, but in the end they still alter that path that we walk on.
There are times I just want to go 'another stupid lessons learned' and move on to something new, but then brooding and pondering is something I've always done about past mistakes that wander up to the forefront of my mind. In the end I learn even though at the time I feel as though I could care not at all about it. Emotions take their course and being stubborn doesn't allow the full 'sinking in' of the realization.
In the end everything happens for reasons that we won't realize until it hits us like an epiphany and we wonder why we didn't realize it all along. And then that is the time where I feel stupid beyond measures. This being one of the times and I hate it. The sad thing is I knew it was stupid and I brushed it away, only to have it fall down upon me with a vengeance.
I wish I could say never again, however I know that is not the case.
For some reason the old quote "Stupid is as stupid does" keeps replaying over and over in my mind.
Perhaps its because it describes how I feel very well.
I keep venturing on...
Mood: Cogitative
Purging Thoughts June 07, 2012, 08:35:pm
The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live. ~Mortimer Adler
I believe that as time passes we learn lessons in our life that allow us to continue to grow and evolve as people. Up until the moments when we take our last breathe we are learning something new, even if its just a different way of seeing a situation.
The one thing I never want to be is so closed minded that I cannot stand back and see some of the lessons life has to offer me. I've never felt that life is just black and white. In each persons life there are many different shades of gray in the spectrum. And with each shade of gray that person has learned something new and grown from it. There are even times when those around them have learned as well.
While there are things that I am closed minded about, I never want to be so closed minded that I stop myself from growing mentally and spiritually.
With saying that, and feeling as though I am learning even now as I write this, I feel as though I have become disconnected with myself spiritually. I don't feel the 'harmony' that I once felt with the spiritual side of me. I need to get myself back on track with my beliefs. I need to expunge the distance I've created. I need to refocus, regain and reinvent that part of me.
COMMENTS
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meeper
12:27 Jun 30 2012
How did you know?
MooniePie
19:49 Jun 30 2012
Because things are said to you like 'you lick me'. >:]